With the start of the year 2011 I am here contemplating and having a recap of the year gone by. This was supposed to come on the new year’s eve last year, but I was forced to not to.
This post is definitely will give an insight into me. I have always been an open book, but to a scale. Not everything has been known about me. Today I think, and think, what’s there to hide about me and my life.
I was in Singapore at the start of the year 2010. Lovely place, a shopper’s paradise, good food., friendly people (some of them), and absolutely clean. I was working there. I was really very happy. There was no end to my happiness. Not just because I was working abroad, but in an environment that was conducive to workoholic like me.
Well I was there, and quite happy. Then it happened. I was joined by someone, in Singapore. All hell start breaking lose. I have nothing against the person, but somewhere, I have been hurt real bad. Mentally and Physically (I am not lying I never lie).
Still I wanted to do more things. More and more for that person. It never happened, not what I wanted to do, but the appreciation, the respect that I deserved.
Suddenly I realised I am focusing too much on other things than myself. I am losing myself to something that doesn’t deserve. Till today I am sad, because many of the things that I loved to do or loved are not there with.
- My Parents: Not there with me
- Loved music playing guitar: Lost touch, have nothing
- Loved venturing into nature: Now all I see is the trees at the roadside, few of the ones that are remaining
- My Friends: I hardly ever meet them or talk to them.
- Sports: I used to play soccer, cricket and field hockey, today I cant even think about it.
- Staying fit. At one point in time I was a huge muscular guy, 20 inch biceps are something I think are good enough. Today my biceps hardly measure 6-8 inches. I was a fit man, today, I am not even close to being fit.
Back to 2010.
I came back to India in June 2010. While coming also, I made sure that I shop enough for the person. Because I love to do this all the time. For anyone and everyone.
From Mid-June ’10 to Mid-October ’10 I was jobless, workless, and truly speaking I didn’t want to do what I did best “Work”. I loved to help people.
I had gone to Singapore, not just for money, but to regain self-respect, my conscience, MYSELF. It never happened.
I prayed hard, and also fought hard, with God, why me? Why always me?
The four months that I spent doing nothing was the hardest time for me. I cannot ever be idle. I always want to work, not just to make money but to make myself light. I am giver and don’t like to take.
Then my Godfather (work wise), offered me a job again. It was so delightful, because he made me the professional I am today. I am indebted to him too much. He has helped me through my baby steps in my career to now definitive, confident steps that I take.
To add to the woes, the week of Christmas, I was sick terribly. So much so that I would have died if I was a day late to the hospital. Today I think why did I go so early. Why does God want me to live, for what, what is the purpose?
Today I work on 1/6th of my initial salary, but my happiness knows no bounds. I have never been so happy because I am back to work again.
For 2011 I have not made any resolutions, but made some promises to myself (not really promises, some goals).
- I want to have my body in shape the huge one I was. I no longer care whatever other people have to say
- I want to work forever, till I die.
- I want regain my apetite for good food.
- I want regain my hunger for music and art.
- I want to meet 3-4 wonderful people who have been so effective on me, whom I have met only through Twitter.
My life is indebted to God. Its best somethings are under wraps.
Thank you for bringing back the life in me, else my soul was already dead, just the body was breathing.