With the start of the year 2011 I am here contemplating and having a recap of the year gone by. This was supposed to come on the new year’s eve last year, but I was forced to not to.
This post is definitely will give an insight into me. I have always been an open book, but to a scale. Not everything has been known about me. Today I think, and think, what’s there to hide about me and my life.
I was in Singapore at the start of the year 2010. Lovely place, a shopper’s paradise, good food., friendly people (some of them), and absolutely clean. I was working there. I was really very happy. There was no end to my happiness. Not just because I was working abroad, but in an environment that was conducive to workoholic like me.
Well I was there, and quite happy. Then it happened. I was joined by someone, in Singapore. All hell start breaking lose. I have nothing against the person, but somewhere, I have been hurt real bad. Mentally and Physically (I am not lying I never lie).
Still I wanted to do more things. More and more for that person. It never happened, not what I wanted to do, but the appreciation, the respect that I deserved.
Suddenly I realised I am focusing too much on other things than myself. I am losing myself to something that doesn’t deserve. Till today I am sad, because many of the things that I loved to do or loved are not there with.
- My Parents: Not there with me
- Loved music playing guitar: Lost touch, have nothing
- Loved venturing into nature: Now all I see is the trees at the roadside, few of the ones that are remaining
- My Friends: I hardly ever meet them or talk to them.
- Sports: I used to play soccer, cricket and field hockey, today I cant even think about it.
- Staying fit. At one point in time I was a huge muscular guy, 20 inch biceps are something I think are good enough. Today my biceps hardly measure 6-8 inches. I was a fit man, today, I am not even close to being fit.
Back to 2010.
I came back to India in June 2010. While coming also, I made sure that I shop enough for the person. Because I love to do this all the time. For anyone and everyone.
From Mid-June ’10 to Mid-October ’10 I was jobless, workless, and truly speaking I didn’t want to do what I did best “Work”. I loved to help people.
I had gone to Singapore, not just for money, but to regain self-respect, my conscience, MYSELF. It never happened.
I prayed hard, and also fought hard, with God, why me? Why always me?
The four months that I spent doing nothing was the hardest time for me. I cannot ever be idle. I always want to work, not just to make money but to make myself light. I am giver and don’t like to take.
Then my Godfather (work wise), offered me a job again. It was so delightful, because he made me the professional I am today. I am indebted to him too much. He has helped me through my baby steps in my career to now definitive, confident steps that I take.
To add to the woes, the week of Christmas, I was sick terribly. So much so that I would have died if I was a day late to the hospital. Today I think why did I go so early. Why does God want me to live, for what, what is the purpose?
Today I work on 1/6th of my initial salary, but my happiness knows no bounds. I have never been so happy because I am back to work again.
For 2011 I have not made any resolutions, but made some promises to myself (not really promises, some goals).
- I want to have my body in shape the huge one I was. I no longer care whatever other people have to say
- I want to work forever, till I die.
- I want regain my apetite for good food.
- I want regain my hunger for music and art.
- I want to meet 3-4 wonderful people who have been so effective on me, whom I have met only through Twitter.
My life is indebted to an Angel. I dont want to mention who that is. Its best somethings are under wraps.
I dont want to embarras the Angel. Neither myself.
Thank you for bringing back the life in me, else my soul was already dead, just the body was breathing.